Negativity (and run report 12 Oct '15)

My morning started with my second trip to the physio. I'm in a proper grumpy mood at the moment. Have been for the last week.  I was stressing about having too much work on and had a few nights of bad sleep last night and now the stress and exhaustion has just turned into a black mood.  I can't shake it. Even though the sun is shining and I had a great, if busy weekend. I just feel grumpy.

So I went to see my physio man for the second time today, feeling grumpy.  Since I saw him last week I have only managed to run twice (planned three) and they were both shitty runs.  I've done all the exercises he set me but when I run I still felt the hip pain and it started to come on earlier (at 2 miles instead of after 3!). I felt like I was going backwards and felt crazy and that there is no way I'm going to be able to run a half marathon in 6 weeks.  Shit.

He was pleased. My range of motion has improved he thinks, and it will just take time for the strength to build up so I just have to keep running.  And he gave me more exercises to do too.  I told him that I really wanted to do a longer 7-8 mile run this week as part of my build up to the half marathon and he said that's fine, just see how it goes.  He didn't say whether I should stop if it hurts though. I forgot to ask him.  I think I just have to run through the niggles and pain a bit and man up and wait for the strength exercises to start having an impact.  Hey ho.  

And then since the sun was shining and it was a beautiful Autumn day I decided to stop off and run in the park through the city centre.  I was going to come home, do some work and then run before school run but I realised that that would never happen - work always squishes my time and once I'm in the house it's harder to go out again.  So I did it.

And I was in my mood so despite the gorgeous surroundings and the perfect crisp and sunny conditions I hated it.  I realised that it's an incline that sets my hip strain off.  (which makes sense since it started to really bother me after we did our super hilly 10km race in Finsbury Park).   I ran up a little hill and partly because I was out of breath from the hill and partly because I felt my hip start to niggle, I decided to reward myself with a little walk until I got my breath back.  I managed to get going again and was trying to force myself to enjoy it and just keep going but my head was not in the game... until, I was heading back to the start and decided to look at the app on my phone.  Until that point I had been trying to ignore it and just enjoy the run.  I realised that I was at 4.25kms and in good time and that if I pushed myself a bit I might get close to my 5km personal best.  Unbelievable.  That just really pissed me off - imagine if I hadn't walked!!! Why didn't I push myself a bit more?!?! Stupid negative woman :(

So I went for it. I put my heart and sole into that last 750metres and although I didn't beat my personal best I got very very close and felt great for pushing myself! And for about 30 seconds I felt proud of a good run...

I then walked a bit to get over my "sprint finish" hehehehe, and carried on jogging again slowly back to the car.  I hadn't worried about my achey hip while I was pushing myself for a good 5k time. Silly mare. I probably need to run with headphones in to distract me and stop me being so negative.

So in the end, the run report should say that I had a great work out in glorious surroundings and perfect conditions, AND that in the end I ran a total of 6kms including a fast (for me) 5k of 32mins 14 seconds! And my hip is ok. I'll live ha ha ha.

I so need to kill this negative attitude.