I hate dogs

I'm sooooooooooooo pissed off. I had a glorious run this morning for almost 4 miles and then a horrible incident with a really scary dog ruined it.

I have to preface all this by saying I've always had a dog-phobia. BUT I've been getting better with age. I'm usually ok these days unless they start barking a lot as the noise just goes through me and makes my heart leap into my mouth and my pulse race. I've always been terribly terrified - when I was at school I had a route I could walk to school that took double the time it should, because I avoided walking past gardens with dogs in. I usually cross the street or change direction if I see someone waking towards me with a dog. Sounds crazy doesn't it, but it's just me!

Anyway. It's always a bit of a worry going running with a dog phobia, but until today it's rarely been a problem - 99% of dog owners are responsible, keep their dogs on leads and under control. Most dogs are not interested in me and aren't barking crazy wild animals... 

I did an out and back route today - I had an hour of me time thanks to the husband and son going to mini-football practice. So I just ran for 30 minutes then turned around. Perfect conditions. Blue skies, bright sunshine, cool but not too cold. Perfect. I was listening to the Marathon talk podcast for the first time. I'll listen to it again! Here's the link if you want to check it out yourself <Marathon talk podcast and webpage>

So there I was, not long turned back for home and running down a narrow bit of pavement with garden walls and hedges to my right and cars to my left. I looked up and saw a man coming towards me with a massive and scary looking dog with a muzzle (a muzzle!!!!!) on. I freaked out but tried to stay calm, didn't want to look like an idiot. But this dog was seriously terrifying me. There was no way to cross the road safely and no pavement on the other side anyway. I noticed a break in the garden walls and a driveway and thought I would just hop in there and wait for them to pass giving plenty of room. I would be ok I thought. 

But then the man kept walking faster toward me and pulling the dog right over to the car side - it looked like he was trying to give me room to get through, but also it meant that he got to, and passed, the safe-haven driveway before I could nip in. Bugger. I had no choice but to pass them on a pavement just wide enough for 2 people. 

With rising panic I kept saying to myself to just look straight ahead and speed up and I would be past them really fast. I can do this, I can do this. 

But then, disaster.  The dog barked at me, and pulled away from the man. I froze to the spot as I always do. The dog tried to jump up me and pushed me into a hedge above a garden wall. I just totally freaked and panicked - frozen to the spot I threw myself further into the hedge to get away. I should have run faster!!!!

All I could think was THANK GOD it had a muzzle on. 

The man quickly kept waking and pulled the dog away with him - it all happened in seconds though it felt forever. I burst into sobs and started getting that rasping panicky, can't-get-your-breath breathing thing. I couldn't run. I just started walking fast forward to get away while trying to take big breaths and not sound like I was having an asthma attack. Which I did!

And the man never said anything, never apologised, never looked back. Bloody hell! I'm fuming!

I had to walk a good half mile after that to get my panic and breathing under control. Focusing on the podcast really helped. It helped a lot actually because I couldn't quite believe that I got to the point when I said to myself "right, it's a beautiful day, let's make the most this" and I got going again and ran home. 

I'm determined not to let this ruin my day, or ruin my running, but I needed to get this off my chest. Jesus. It was awful. Like the best and worst run altogether. 

And this morning my son was asking me if he could have a pet dog!!! Hahaha. Not going to happen.

Phew.

Does running lift your mood?

Today was the first day I managed to get out for a run since last Thursday, and I was determined to run today because I've been a right moody cow since the weekend, and I'm convinced I feel down when I don't get a run in.

I was at parkrun on Saturday of course, but not running.  I had volunteered for marshalling with my son.  Crazy idea. It was 1degree celcius when we arrived.  We were wrapped up warm of course but I would rather have been running to warm the blood up.  Also I had been out drinking cocktails and wine til 12.30am the night before so I would have rather been curled up in bed.  I can't let down my parkrun marshalling duties however. Marshalling is fab, but it made me sad I wasn't able to run.

On Sunday I planned to go for a 10km run with my Chelmer Roadrunner girls, but my helpful husband had the hangover from hell - you know one of those that involves a lot of time in the bathroom and the rest of the day in bed.  Soooo annoying.  So that meant I had to stay home and entertain the boy, and even take him to his Little Kicks football group.  That was NOT fun - I was the only mum and when the dad's joined in I didn't have a chance to put my hand up and say I have never ever played football in my life!  hahaha. The four and five year olds were much more impressive than me.  I was not in a good mood by the end of the day.

Monday - lots of work, stressed and anxious about work, feeling like I couldn't be arsed. Got home really late - missed Monday night run group, the Dynamos.  That was annoying.

Tuesday - meetings, lots of work, feeling really anxious and grouchy and went to bed a bit teary.

And I know that tomorrow - Thursday, my usual Chelmer Roadrunners day, I am also busy and have a meeting that clashes with the run group time.  So I was determined to get out and run today before I bashed someone over the head. seriously.

So, I dropped the boy at school and decided to just run a couple of miles. The trick for my brain was that if i said - I'll only do 2 miles - it didn't seem like such a big thing to do.  The problem was i kept bumping into other mums around the school!  For some of them that made me change my direction to avoid them, and for others it made me run faster to impress!

Anyway, i did just do 2 miles out and back from the car park, but they were a good 2 miles.  It's lovely and flat around the school for starters!  The first mile I ran in 10 mins - very quick for me and the 2nd mile I decided to do a bit of fartlek/speed play, so sprinted from one lamp post to the next, then slow jogged or walked to the next lamppost, then sprinted again etc.  Another 10 minute mile.  Very happy.

I'm determined not to leave it so long now before I lace up again.

In fact I'm tempted to try and 'streak' (a run streak is where you set a target to run every day for a set amount of days, like lent, or advent) or if not streak, but as a minimum force myself to go out at least every other day just for 2 miles.  I think for so long my runs have been a big deal - doing 10 mile Sundays and 5 mile mid weeks that take up a fair bit of the day what with driving to meet people, having a chat after, cooking a recovery lunch and getting showered etc.   I am going to change tack therefore and try and do a little often for the next few weeks until we go on holiday, just to keep me going and to try to keep the grumps at bay!

Does running cheer you up?
L x

6 days to go!

Well I'm really in countdown mode now.  It's Monday and my first half marathon is this week - this Sunday!   Excited and terrified all at the same time.

This weekend Michelle and I had planned a 10km run on Sunday morning when disaster struck! Michelle has injured her back.  I'm so gutted for her, as she's so desperate to do this for me after training together all the way.  I don't want her to feel bad at all but I do feel so sorry for her.  She is under strict orders to rest.  There is a tiny chance she may feel better enough to run next Sunday, but I'm carrying on this week on the belief that I am going to have to do this alone. (Sob sob sob!)

Although that does make me panic slightly, I am not as panicked as I thought or might have been, because... I went out yesterday, on my own, without Michelle and ran that planned 10kms.... and I did it!  And I know I could have kept going.   I did it all alone. No music, no running buddy. I just ran!

That in itself is a massive massive achievement for me.  Some weeks I can't run a 5k on my own. Even a few months ago I couldn't finish a 10km run without some walking.  Seriously.  For me to get over all my mental demons and keep going was amazing.  I felt epic afterwards, even though i wasn't even very fast, my target was just to do it. Without walking. On my own. Result.

It was so windy, but a decent day - no rain, not too warm and not too cold.  I managed to find a good flat out and back route.  Since running these longer runs I've started to really enjoy out and back routes - i like the physical marker of turning around and running back towards home, knowing that the miles left to run are getting shorter with each step.

I ran from my house, up into town, through the parkrun park and was passing 5kms and ready to turn back before I realised it!  I won't lie, i did have my usual negative thoughts for quite a few stretches of that first 5kms but I just kept using all the mental tricks Michelle has taught me.  I would focus on being positive, slow right down when I started to get out of breath and panic, break down the route into chunks in my head.  Then play little games like, I won't look at my tracker on the phone until after that traffic light etc, to stop me getting down-heartened about my pace or miles to go every 5 minutes. I tried to focus on everything around me, and enjoy seeing the city, peering into windows, smiling at parents walking in the park, saying hello to other runners.

I actually ended up doing 10.5kms to get home.  It took me 1 hour 12 minutes.

And then I had a little epiphany.  I'd spoken to a few people about the half marathon and many of them were surprised I wasn't fundraising.  I had said I wouldn't, partly because I didn't want to tell lots of people I was doing this challenge, in the fear that once I started to tell people there was more pressure and more chance of things going wrong or me failing (oh the silly mind games we play!).  But I realised that there is a very very low chance that I will ever do this again, and a few of my friends, on being told I was doing this wanted to support me and asked if I could choose a charity to get sponsorship for.

So I've caved - I've set up a justgiving page for a small charity that works in South Africa that i have been closely linked to for 15 years.   Here is a link.  https://www.justgiving.com/Lisa-Mills4/
I don't want to set a target to raise lots of dosh, but any donations will help keep me mentally focused on the day.  (Especially if I do have to run without Michelle! Sob sob sob!)

So what for the week ahead?  Not a lot, as I know I need to rest to ensure my hip and bum muscles don't get too sore ahead of the long long run on Sunday!  I'll have a little 20 minute run tomorrow and the same again on Thursday, and I'm planning lots of lovely food for before and after.  He he he!

In 6 days time it will all be over!

Short and sweet! Run report 3rd November

This will be short and sweet as I have a tonne of work to do!

Haven't managed to run for a week due to half term and being away but thankfully managed to get out with the lovely ladies at Chelmer Roadrunners (Tuesday group) this morning.

A lovely, slightly damp but crisp Autumn morning, perfect running conditions. Not too cold, not too hot.  Lovely.  We ran a new route around Galleywood, slightly hilly which was tough, but kept up a decent pace (averaged 7mins per km) and managed to run 7kms, partly because we weren't sure where we were going!

The only annoyance is that my hip started to ache again for the last kilometre.  To be fair I have not done my physio exercises for 5 days now either due to being away over half term.  And over the weekend I walked miles and had started to notice my hip aching at the end of a long day of walking around a foreign city (coupled with sleeping on a hard uncomfortable sofa bed at a friends house!).   Going to work v hard on my exercises this week and next.  Seeing my physio man again next Monday for the last time pre race.

Loved it again today, and it's made me excited about my next (and last pre race) long run which will be on Friday.

Oh yes, and I got home from my travels last night to my race number!  My race number and info for my first ever half marathon has arrived and it is all real now.  Gulp!  2 weeks 5 days!

Back in the zone - 8 mile run

Yesterday, Sunday 18th October I managed a good long run to get my head back into the half marathon training.

Before going out I had been dreading it, and convinced I wouldn't be able to make it more than 5 miles.  However it went really well which has really helped me regain my confidence about this half marathon... which by the way is now 4 weeks and 6 days away! Gulp.

I was feeling very stiff and achey from an exercise class (kettle bells and squats) on Friday which I really regretted doing.  So I was not expecting the run to go well, and when I met my running buddy she was also in pain and her toe was still throbbing from her Royal Parks Half Marathon the weekend before.  So it didn't bode well, however we started off on another beautiful sunny Autumn morning and there was lots to catch up on to hear how her half marathon went last week so a lovely chatty run.

We set off on an 8 mile route, but both us said we would have been happy to achieve a 10km (6 miles). The first 3 miles was really tough, as always, I felt like I was wading through treacle and I honestly thought that even achieving 6 miles was going to be impossible.

Thankfully as usual, around mile 4 I got into a groove and was pleasantly surprised that my hip felt fine, and the stiffness from the kettlebell class was actually calming down, as though the run was loosening and waking up my muscles.  10kms passed and all felt good and I started to feel that actually, 8 miles was completely do-able.  And so we did it.  The last half mile was really hard work, and my hip, thigh and lower back was starting to get stiff.  However, despite that struggle, hilariously we ran the last 3/4s of a mile at a pace I usually save for a fast 5k race! I think having the end in sight, and wanting to get there quicker just pushed me along!

I felt ecstatic - really really pleased with myself and I can't tell you how important that run was mentally to feel like I can achieve this half marathon and that training is back on track.  If I had not been able to achieve this run  I would have been feeling behind and struggling to get my distances back up.

It's still going to be a push - We think we only have time for 2 more long runs.  Later this week on Friday we will have another long run, hopefully 10 miles but then it's half term the week after, and I'm going to be doings thing with my little Monster, including a weekend visiting friends in Spain, so a long run is not possible.  We then plan to have our final long run of 11-12 miles the first week of November, before resting for two weeks before the event on 22nd November.

And this morning?  Well my hip and bum are still incredibly stiff and uncomfortable.  I'm not sure if it's still the after effect of the over the top kettle bell class that I shouldn't have done on Friday!

Feeling positive about running though.  Back in the zone!

Negativity (and run report 12 Oct '15)

My morning started with my second trip to the physio. I'm in a proper grumpy mood at the moment. Have been for the last week.  I was stressing about having too much work on and had a few nights of bad sleep last night and now the stress and exhaustion has just turned into a black mood.  I can't shake it. Even though the sun is shining and I had a great, if busy weekend. I just feel grumpy.

So I went to see my physio man for the second time today, feeling grumpy.  Since I saw him last week I have only managed to run twice (planned three) and they were both shitty runs.  I've done all the exercises he set me but when I run I still felt the hip pain and it started to come on earlier (at 2 miles instead of after 3!). I felt like I was going backwards and felt crazy and that there is no way I'm going to be able to run a half marathon in 6 weeks.  Shit.

He was pleased. My range of motion has improved he thinks, and it will just take time for the strength to build up so I just have to keep running.  And he gave me more exercises to do too.  I told him that I really wanted to do a longer 7-8 mile run this week as part of my build up to the half marathon and he said that's fine, just see how it goes.  He didn't say whether I should stop if it hurts though. I forgot to ask him.  I think I just have to run through the niggles and pain a bit and man up and wait for the strength exercises to start having an impact.  Hey ho.  

And then since the sun was shining and it was a beautiful Autumn day I decided to stop off and run in the park through the city centre.  I was going to come home, do some work and then run before school run but I realised that that would never happen - work always squishes my time and once I'm in the house it's harder to go out again.  So I did it.

And I was in my mood so despite the gorgeous surroundings and the perfect crisp and sunny conditions I hated it.  I realised that it's an incline that sets my hip strain off.  (which makes sense since it started to really bother me after we did our super hilly 10km race in Finsbury Park).   I ran up a little hill and partly because I was out of breath from the hill and partly because I felt my hip start to niggle, I decided to reward myself with a little walk until I got my breath back.  I managed to get going again and was trying to force myself to enjoy it and just keep going but my head was not in the game... until, I was heading back to the start and decided to look at the app on my phone.  Until that point I had been trying to ignore it and just enjoy the run.  I realised that I was at 4.25kms and in good time and that if I pushed myself a bit I might get close to my 5km personal best.  Unbelievable.  That just really pissed me off - imagine if I hadn't walked!!! Why didn't I push myself a bit more?!?! Stupid negative woman :(

So I went for it. I put my heart and sole into that last 750metres and although I didn't beat my personal best I got very very close and felt great for pushing myself! And for about 30 seconds I felt proud of a good run...

I then walked a bit to get over my "sprint finish" hehehehe, and carried on jogging again slowly back to the car.  I hadn't worried about my achey hip while I was pushing myself for a good 5k time. Silly mare. I probably need to run with headphones in to distract me and stop me being so negative.

So in the end, the run report should say that I had a great work out in glorious surroundings and perfect conditions, AND that in the end I ran a total of 6kms including a fast (for me) 5k of 32mins 14 seconds! And my hip is ok. I'll live ha ha ha.

I so need to kill this negative attitude.

Losing my way

So I finished c25k and I was about to run my first ever event - the Race for Life 5km race.  I managed to run almost all the way - just walked about 2 minutes up a very steep hill, and finished in 37 minutes.  You see. SLOW.  But that was fine for me because having started as someone who couldn't manage to run for 1 minute non-stop, being able to keep going for that long and complete 5kms was a huge achievement!

And I achieved this all on my own. I felt very proud. My husband and son were proud. My friends were amazed by the transformation.  I was on cloud 9!

At that point I kept running a little now and then, but lost my way.  I had nothing to aim for.  Life got very busy and stressful. We were moving house, or attempting too, and the sale fell through, we lost a house we were in love with, ended up living with the in laws and super super stress abounded.

And then winter came in and I found it hard to keep myself going in the cold and dark and wet, although I did occasionally still venture out and jog a little, slowly.  I didn't have anything to push me on.  I didn't know if I was any good.  I didn't know if I should attempt to run further, or how. And because I wasn't running regularly with any consistency I never found it very easy to keep going.  I started to fall out of love with running a little bit. I started to find it really hard to keep going mentally and physically.

But finally, we moved into our new home in November 2013, had a lovely Christmas, and as the Spring (2014) started to peak its little head up, I started to discover new running routes around our new town.

Running is a fantastic way to get to know a new place.  Whether you move house, like me, or are on holiday or visiting friends.  I know my town now, and all the lovely riverside footpaths, back passages (oooer mrs) and cut throughs. I know the fields and the roads and I know exactly how long each park is and how long it will take me to run from my house to the pre-school and back!  I thoroughly recommend running as a great way to fall in love with your town or village too.

I have had lovely runs where I've bumped into people I know and ended up chatting or walking a while with them.  I have had runs where I've got completely lost and had to run fast as I freaked myself out that I'd get more lost as night fell!  I have had runs where I've experienced nature at her finest, migrating geese over sunsets and stumbled across lone deer and foxes... and I've even had a run where I accidentally surprised the local drunk being sick behind a bush.... nice!  Most of all I've high fived, and said hello to lots and lots of other runners.  The running community on the whole is amazingly friendly.  And there are lots of people out running all over the place these days.

But still I struggled, and I never felt like a real runner, just someone playing with it. I was lost and I lost my running mojo.

And then I found a running group. My running group(s) and running friends are wonderful, I've made friends and acquaintances, I've improved my running, had great fun, learned new things, and pushed myself to achieve things way beyond my imagination.  I recommend running clubs to everyone. They seem scary yes, especially to a beginner, but you have to do it if you want to really enjoy and get the most out of running.

So I will write in my next post about my first experiences of joining a group!

Do you run with others or alone?  Let me know!
Lisa x

How (and why) I started to run

I didn't really believe I could learn to run. I hated it at school and in the 15 or more years since leaving school the most exercise I had attempted was the odd Zumba class, a leisurely swim and a few hikes.

So I didn't tell anyone. And I downloaded a c25k app on my smart phone and started doing it either first thing in the morning or late at night when no one was around - that was February 2013.

Running was the only option I felt I had open to me at that stage in my life. I hated gyms, and even though is lost a lot of weight by then, going from a size 20 to a size 14, I still didn't feel comfortable enough in my skin to exercise in front of other people.  I also had an 18 month old child and was squeezing my growing freelance work in around raising the boy, nursery hours, help from the Grandparents and everything else that goes with Motherhood and life. I just needed something that was quick and easy. At the time I lived in a pretty little village - lovely for running and walking down the river, but a drive to a gym or pool or exercise class.  So running just seemed the only option.

I set myself the target of a Race for Life 5km run in late May 2013, and just went for it.

I vividly remember those early sessions. Cold dark mornings, trying to avoid bumping into anyone. I would lap the village cricket field until the man with the ride-on-mower showed up, and I would aim to get home before the commuters came out to head for the station, in case anyone recognised me.  

I remember the first few sessions where I jogged for 90 seconds and felt like my lungs were on fire, a band was tightening around my chest and I would never ever do this. I kept going. I have no idea where I found the motivation from! 

I remember weeks where I just couldn't do it, couldn't pull myself out of a warm bed, couldn't manage to keep going for a whole 5 minutes, couldn't get my breath, couldn't find the time. It took me 16 weeks to do a 9 week programme as I just kept having to repeat some sessions. 

But as winter became Spring, something clicked.  I remember running around footpaths skirting wheat fields as the sun came up and birds sang and bunnies scattered from my path and realising that I could run for 20 minutes without stopping! And I LOVED it. I felt euphoric. 

I never expected that to happen. I fully expected to fail, expected to hate it and give up. 

My aim in posting this is to show that anyone, yes even you, can learn to run. The c25k programmes are amazing, building you up slowly from less than nothing really quickly. Whether you join a running club and follow a programme with a coach, or do it on your own as I did... You can do it. It's not easy and yes at the beginning you will find it very very very hard work. But any one can do it. 

The key (here's my top tip)... It's all about the pace! (Did you wonder why the blog has this name?!), well wonder no longer. I am slow. Although I'm a little faster now than when I started I'm still never going to break records. And sometimes when I struggle, I slow down even more. But that is ok. Because when I'm slow and in control of my breathing, I love running and feel like I could run forever. It takes me to a happy place and my spirits are lifted for the rest of the day. 

When  you're starting out, it's ok to go slow. Slow enough to be able to chat is the main guide. Speed can come later.

And using a c25k programme and following this top tip you too will be running 5kms (3.12 miles) in no time. And maybe even further... Which is what I'm now doing. More of that to follow ....

Thanks for reading 
Lisa x