Negativity (and run report 12 Oct '15)

My morning started with my second trip to the physio. I'm in a proper grumpy mood at the moment. Have been for the last week.  I was stressing about having too much work on and had a few nights of bad sleep last night and now the stress and exhaustion has just turned into a black mood.  I can't shake it. Even though the sun is shining and I had a great, if busy weekend. I just feel grumpy.

So I went to see my physio man for the second time today, feeling grumpy.  Since I saw him last week I have only managed to run twice (planned three) and they were both shitty runs.  I've done all the exercises he set me but when I run I still felt the hip pain and it started to come on earlier (at 2 miles instead of after 3!). I felt like I was going backwards and felt crazy and that there is no way I'm going to be able to run a half marathon in 6 weeks.  Shit.

He was pleased. My range of motion has improved he thinks, and it will just take time for the strength to build up so I just have to keep running.  And he gave me more exercises to do too.  I told him that I really wanted to do a longer 7-8 mile run this week as part of my build up to the half marathon and he said that's fine, just see how it goes.  He didn't say whether I should stop if it hurts though. I forgot to ask him.  I think I just have to run through the niggles and pain a bit and man up and wait for the strength exercises to start having an impact.  Hey ho.  

And then since the sun was shining and it was a beautiful Autumn day I decided to stop off and run in the park through the city centre.  I was going to come home, do some work and then run before school run but I realised that that would never happen - work always squishes my time and once I'm in the house it's harder to go out again.  So I did it.

And I was in my mood so despite the gorgeous surroundings and the perfect crisp and sunny conditions I hated it.  I realised that it's an incline that sets my hip strain off.  (which makes sense since it started to really bother me after we did our super hilly 10km race in Finsbury Park).   I ran up a little hill and partly because I was out of breath from the hill and partly because I felt my hip start to niggle, I decided to reward myself with a little walk until I got my breath back.  I managed to get going again and was trying to force myself to enjoy it and just keep going but my head was not in the game... until, I was heading back to the start and decided to look at the app on my phone.  Until that point I had been trying to ignore it and just enjoy the run.  I realised that I was at 4.25kms and in good time and that if I pushed myself a bit I might get close to my 5km personal best.  Unbelievable.  That just really pissed me off - imagine if I hadn't walked!!! Why didn't I push myself a bit more?!?! Stupid negative woman :(

So I went for it. I put my heart and sole into that last 750metres and although I didn't beat my personal best I got very very close and felt great for pushing myself! And for about 30 seconds I felt proud of a good run...

I then walked a bit to get over my "sprint finish" hehehehe, and carried on jogging again slowly back to the car.  I hadn't worried about my achey hip while I was pushing myself for a good 5k time. Silly mare. I probably need to run with headphones in to distract me and stop me being so negative.

So in the end, the run report should say that I had a great work out in glorious surroundings and perfect conditions, AND that in the end I ran a total of 6kms including a fast (for me) 5k of 32mins 14 seconds! And my hip is ok. I'll live ha ha ha.

I so need to kill this negative attitude.

What was I thinking?

Serious doubts kicked in today.  What was I thinking signing up for a half marathon?  I can't run!

I had a really really shitty run today. Woke up in a bad mood, feeling exhausted like I hadn't had much sleep. Went to run with Chelmer Roadrunners and was pleased than an interval session was planned, rather than distance.

But I just couldn't do it.  We ran about a mile as warm up, but because the 6 or so of us were all trying to stick together we went off way too fast, all trying to keep up with the fastest lady and she was seemingly oblivious to the rest of us struggling. Then we started our intervals - was planned to be 30 seconds faster (not sprinting, just increasing cadence) and then 2 minute recovery jog, repeated 8 times, and then finish off with another mile plus as a slower cool down run.   I don't think we managed that many intervals.  4 out of 6 of us were all so tired from going out too fast that the 30 second faster bits seemed to last forever and ever and ever and got slower and slower and harder and harder.  I think I did 5 well-ish, although starting to flag, and then on the 6th I started to feel queasy and had to walk my recovery rather than jog it.

And by that point my bum and hip were starting to hurt too :(  Oh woe is me... crappy crappy run.

Once I'd walked for a minute I did try to get back into it I really did but just couldn't! I wanted to keep going for a mile at a slow pace to cool down but actually managed less than 1/3 of a mile before the nausea kept bubbling up in my throat and I started to get really worried about hurting my hip.  So I decided to walk back to the start, and thankfully there was another lady, Emma who was also struggling and very happy to walk with me.  We put a little slow jog on for the last 1/4 mile and had a lovely chat about finding work that fits around children and school runs!  I've never felt queasy on a run before so that was a new, not very welcome experience for me.

In the end we ran less than 5kms and I hated every minute of it and I now hate running. Full Stop.  I really hate running and I hate that I seem to have hurt myself.   What an idiot to think I could run a half marathon... ( in 6 and a half weeks!!!!).... when those long training runs have broken me and I now I can't even manage 3 miles :( I want to cry.

I am keeping on with the glute strengthening exercises that the physio has given me but also finding them very hard and it's too early to see any difference yet... I wish someone could magically fix my running.

I'm off to eat some chocolate now and wallow in the self-pity of a shitty run.

Double run day and first time physio!

Yesterday was a beautiful day.  Started off cold and crisp, and bright and sunny and my son and I headed off to Junior parkrun full of excitement and with a spring in our steps to enjoy the sunshine.  The leaves are just starting to turn and the park looked so pretty and by the time we started to run, it was surprisingly warm.  The last gasp of summer in October!  As he is only 4, bless him, junior park run for us is more a fun thing, with lots of walk breaks, and chasing and racing from tree to tree and playing tag.  He adores sprinting over the finish line though, and yesterday he was much faster than usual because he had a batman t shirt on!

He runs the 2km (1.5mile) course in times ranging from 18-20 minutes.  Some of the over 10s at junior parkrun are amazing and finish in 7 minutes!  My aim is not to push him into running or being competitive at all at this age.  To me it's just important that he enjoys some physical activity and being outside, and it's nice to enjoy it together.

After dropping him at home I was off on my own run with my running buddy and by 10.30am it was positively tropical out!  Such a nice sunny day for a run.  As usual we went out all excited and feeling great, and went off far too fast (10m30s per mile!) so by mile 2 I was really out of puff!  We had a plan to run for about 45 minutes, and we had said we would go slow and take it easy but we start talking and just speed up and even when we tell each other to slow down we do and then forget and speed up again!

It's good for me though, as if I ran on my own I would plod and never push myself.  With Michelle I push myself to keep up with her.

After mile 3 my hip started to niggle again :(  we kept going but decided not to push for an extra little loop around a park we like, and head back for home, with a plan of running for 40 minutes instead of 45.  In the end we completed 6kms (3.75 miles) in 40 minutes and I was happy with that as it was faster than my usual pace, given that I hadn't run for a whole week and was recovering... however by the end my hip and butt cheek was very unhappy.  I spent the day stretching and hoping this wouldn't turn into something serious.

However my biggest issue at the moment is that when this happens, I'm afraid to tell my husband, because he's so negative about me running that he will use it as an excuse to try to put me off running.

Likewise, I had not told him that I had an appointment booked in with a physio this morning....

Fast forward (through coffee shops, cooking, homework, mowing the lawn and Downton Abbey) to today (Monday) ... After the school run I had my appointment with a physiotherapist who specialises in sports and had been recommended to me by other runners.

He was brilliant!  He obviously sees a lot of people with similar issues and was really positve.  He concluded what I had an inkling of myself - that I lack good muscle strength in my body and in particular the muscles in my hips and thighs and bum that are the main controller of running, lack strength.  This is fine if I just keep running comfortably up to 5-6kms but once running regular 10kms and more, my muscles are struggling as they don't have the strength to keep me going for runs over an hour without causing pain.

He showed me how, as a result, my knees are bowing in, to over compensate for the tightness and strain those muscles are feeling which is in turn making the hip hurt more, slowing me down, causing me to waste energy.  After lots of questions, watching me stand, walk, stand on one leg, bend my knees, touch my toes etc, then he spent about 20 minutes manipulating the muscles in my right thigh, hip and bum to try and loosen up the muscles.   It was EXTREMELY painful!  But, it helped a lot, the mobility in that leg and hip improved immensely as a result by the end of the session.

He then took me through two exercises that I have to do twice every day for the next 6 days to start to build up my strength.  He also thankfully said I should NOT stop running, but just stick to 3mile runs for the next week, as that is the point at which it starts to suffer.

His theory is that with perhaps 3 sessions with him and 6 weeks of exercises (and he said he will change and add more exercises each week), my hips will be a lot stronger, I will be able to run longer without pain, and ultimately run better with less after effect.

Very interesting talking to him and I'm feeling more positive now about tackling the half marathon next month.   Just have to make sure I do these exercises twice a day now! Oh, those exercises if you're interested are:

Single leg bridge, 10sec Left, 10 sec right x 10
Side leg race (lying on left, raising right leg) hold for 30seconds x 10

And finally... last night, running buddy Michelle sent me a plan for our longer runs for Norwich. Our aim is to get up to 12 miles before then.  So off we go!

Lisa x