Oh my goodness I'm useless today. I actually want to lie down on the sofa and cry because I'm so mentally and physically exhausted. Yesterday I ran the furthest I've ever run in my life. 11 and a tiny bit miles!
And the weirdest thing... is that I could have kept going! And actually I'm not in pain or too stiff... so my body is stronger than I thought and has really grown in fitness with all the training I've done. I can see and feel huge differences... and yet still, I'm now 1 week and 6 days away from my first half marathon and I feel like I want to pull out! I'm dreading it!
My mind is always my biggest problem when I run... as you can see from this summary of yesterday's run...
Woke up, having been looking forward to long run day all week, I woke up terrified and wondered if I could come up with an excuse to get me out of it.... Obviously not, so I went and met my lovely running coach/buddy Michelle, and hoped that she would be injured or ill and want to stop!
We started, I felt great, (we ran downhill for the first kilometre! that always helps). I tried really hard to slow right down as my biggest downfall on other long runs is going way too fast at the beginning.
It was all going fine but I was struggling with breath due to going off a bit fast. Got to about 2.5/3 miles and decided I hated running. My mind was all over the place thinking of ways to stop the run. Could I trip myself up so we had to stop and limp home? I started to feel sick! Sick! I've never had exercise induced nausea before! I can't run while I feel sick. I could never run 11 miles. I can't even finish 3! Look at all these other fast runners coming past me looking all smiley and fit. I bloody hate running.
45 minutes in, time for a drink and an energy gel. Thank god we got to walk for 2-3 minutes ... maybe we should just keep walking, walking is nice... start running again, slow slow slow. oh my god we're going up a hill. I can't run up hills. I hate hills. Why did we stop? I can't get my head going again, I had just got over my mile 3 nausea panic!!
1 hour... ah the gel is kicking in.... I'm starting to find my stride, I'm actually enjoying this. Why did it take an hour of hell to get here? Bloody hell another hill ,,, I think I may die. Oh dear that disgusting gel has made me feel nauseas again. I can't breath, maybe I'm having a panic attack? Am I actually going to be sick? Have we even run 5 miles yet? I hate running.
And on and on like that, while the wonderful Michelle just kept chatting to me, all sorts of random rubbish to keep distracting me and keep me going.... she is an angel!
6 miles! Hooray, we only have 5 miles to go, I've already done 6.... 5 is nothing! We have turned around and we're on our way home now....
... and suddenly we're 7.5 miles and I'm ok! I'm OK! I'm doing this. I've found my stride, we're having lovely random chats! Everyone is smiling at us.... look at those other runners - i'm just as good as them! (Well, maybe not as good as the man with the Ironman Austria t shirt whose calves look like bronze statues of greek gods!) Ok so my legs feel like lead and my hip is as stiff and sore as anything but I'm in the zone and my legs are just going. I love this! I could run forever
Then ... Stop for another little walk to have another gel and a drink.... oh no. Can't get going again. But only 3.5 miles to go... just a bit more than a park run... how hard can that be? But I can't....
I have about a mile of decent running before I think my legs may just be glued to the ground, and then need another little walk and a talking too. It's ok says Michelle. Isn't it better to have 1 minute of walking and then go on to finish 11 miles rather than just give up at 8 or 9 miles?
Don't know how... but we got going again!
Then we had to run over two hump back bridges... HILARIOUS! The steep humps really really hurt my hip so I had to walk up the bridges and the steep down side really hurt Michelle's calves so she had to walk down them.... while we're both moaning and complaining like a couple of old grannies!
And then at almost 10 miles the most hilarious thing.... we run past Costa and Michelle says, ooooh I could murder a hot chocolate. And I said... I have a tenner in my pocket! Let's do it! So we agree to run up the road for 1/2 mile and then run back to costa and we'll be at 11miles and we can have a hot chocolate!!!! That thought is like rocket fuel.... fastest mile ever! And I feel great! And actually, once we got up to 10.5miles we talked ourselves out of the Costa! Because we realised that if we ran back there, we'd then have to walk or run another Kilometre back to Michelle's house and my car after our treat!!!! So we just kept going and ran home instead, which was just as rewarding (and cheaper, and without having to sit in Costa RED AND SWEATY and scaring small children!!!! lol).
And although I was stiff and my hip was complaining and I was shuffling and going sooooooo slowly really... when Michelle said, ok, stop, 11 miles.....
I felt like I could have kept going... so I did! Well, not really, maybe another 0.2 of a mile just to get myself back to my park bench where I like to stretch. So I ran over 11 miles. Ta dahhhh!
So, in spite of all my moaning and moaning. It was a great run. And I felt epic.....
I got home, still feeling nauseas, and tired and thirsty and hungry.
Quick cold bath (whose stupid idea was that?!?!?!) then a Long hot bath, banana, chocolate milk. Wonderful.
Was pretty useless the rest of the day though. Very stiff and sore, very very tired and nauseas all day.
Today I'm fine. It's a bit ouchie walking up and down stairs but nothing serious on the pain front. My mind is more shattered than anything. I just can't concentrate on work. I want a nap.
1 week 6 days.....